dandelions

I have loved Beauty and the Beast for what feels like my entire life, but there is one scene that has always stood out among the rest (and that is saying a lot because it had to compete with the library reveal and that time when she's trying to pick out a book on the step ladder and that first "There goes the baker..."). 

But the scene that has stayed with me long into adulthood is the one where she runs into a field of dandelions and sings, as the music crescendos,: "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell..."

The scene even seeped into the decor of my last home without my entirely realizing it: 

One last picture of my living room in Florida just before the movers packed everything up and I had to take the dandelions down. 

Picture just outside that FL living room. 

A week ago I moved from Florida to southern California, barely escaping a hurricane. 

The travel part was stressful because while on layover in Colorado our hometown was on CNN with predictions of flooding and scary, scary weather. We had gotten out but all our family and friends were awaiting a terrifying storm. We felt helpless so far away. But luckily, the hurricane moved just enough to not devastate in the way that was predicted. 

Once the hurricane panic died down I finally started to feel excited. We were going on an adventure. I was moving forward in my art and was going to a new place to pursue it. I felt like Belle in the dandelion field, ready for my adventure.

But somewhere along the way, I forgot about the fact that Belle is locked in a dungeon shortly after singing her adventure song.

picture i took while walking in balboa park last saturday. 

I'm writing this right now from the floor of an empty apartment in San Diego. My dog won't be here for a few more days, nor my couch, and my husband is traveling for work. I am alone in a way I've never been in my life. No friends, no family, no dog, no couch. And the Thai food and taco place I usually seek respite in are on the other side of the country. There is good food here, yes, but I haven't found that replicable comfort yet. 

I wouldn't say I'm homesick, exactly, I'm just in the dungeon part of the adventure. I'm at that part where I've left everything behind and the walls are bare and I have absolutely no idea what is happening next.

Seriously. 

I have no idea. 

Adventure sounds so romantic and then you remember adventure also means danger and the unknown and insecurity and uncertainty and no map. 

I like maps. I thrive with maps. I even bought a stand for my iPhone to sit on my car's dash so I can see the GPS better as I drive in California for the first time. 

But of course, even with that, I've still made wrong turns.

So before I leave the house I just make sure I have enough time to get lost.

"The great wide somewhere" Belle sings. Somewhere. Unknown. 

And when you blow off all the seeds on a dandelion, that's it. All you're left with is a stem, and sometimes that can feel awfully lonely, especially when you have no idea where all those seeds you blew are going to land. 

The last seed of my dandelion stickers. I managed to peel it off gently and save it by sticking it to the back of my typewriter case. 

Sunset on the day we got our keys to our empty apartment. 

A movie bookstore maze in burbank i literally got lost in. 

spotted this on my first walk outside my apartment.